alterhuman/dragon

on draconity

dragon was the first aspect of my identity i Awakened to, around 2007. dragon is totalizing - it's spiritual, it's psychological, it's archetypal, it's allergorical.

when i think of what i look like as a dragon, i see a great, golden, semiaquatic wyvern. i see proud antlers, and large fins, and a tall dorsal sail, and a paddle-like tail. interestingly, my draconic form has changed and grown as my human body has. over time my fins and sail have become more elaborate, and my upper parts have darkened to more of a copper color than gold. i had a black moor goldfish when i was younger who started out yellow-orange and then ended up this lovely warm black with gold underparts as an adult. maybe something like that will happen to me.

when i think about what sort of context i existed in, i imagine warm wetlands and forested rivers. i think about being in the water much more than in the land or in the sky, honestly. i think about eating fish. i don't think much about what other creatures i might have encountered, but some of the collected elenari writings on what their dragons were like chime with me.

at this point in time i'm not sure whether my experience as a dragon was ever 'real' in the sense of happening in a place-and-time rather than floating around as a mere idea in the collective unconscious. because of that, it doesn't really make sense to take the theriomythic approach of trying to ascertain exact behaviours, physiology, ecological niche. i'm not going to come up with a picture that makes coherent sense, or bioloigcally possible. that said, details of that sort are very forthcoming if i poke at the question.

the narratives, correspondances and roles of dragon also feature highly in my life. dragon is my form in TDF's pullman system of daemon analysis. you can read it here to see what i mean. dragons are inherently magical and, if you ask me, inherently archetypal beings. a dragon's job is to be the villain, the sage, the king in your story - the same way it's a tree's job to grow, and a mushroom's job to eat the tree when it begins to falter. so i'm avaricious, i'm proud, i'm possessive, i'm morally ambivalent, i seek power and knowledge and occult secrets, and if i like you, i'll share them with you. am i a dragon because it's a symbol of all of these things? or am i this way because that's how dragons are? the causality is meaningless to me. i simply am.

dragon resonates with the frequency of several other earthen species. when you can't see yourself in the world around you with your mundane senses, you may find glimpses and shadows in other things. the strongest is spinosaurus aegypticus, so much so that every so often i have to check in with myself to make sure i wasn't just a paleotherian this whole time. i'm not, but i do wonder if my shape isn't influenced by some sort of memory of them in the collective unconscious. i also see myself in crocodilians, perhaps predictably most of all in crocodylus niloticus. it could be said that crocodiles fill much of the same niche in kemetic mythology that dragons do in other cultures.

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